A Look at A Father and Son Relation – Parenting.
Last updated 3/27/2021 at 4:47pm

The birth of our son Joseph Seth was truly an extraordinary answer to prayer, and we call him our "miracle baby." He was born 25 years after Sheila and I married, and his birth has been one of the greatest blessings in our marriage. When he was a baby, Joseph was dedicated to the Lord by Associate Pastor Randy Jost at the Metropolitan Bible Church in Ottawa. Sheila and I were so thankful to God for giving us a son, and we made a commitment to raise him up in the fear of the Lord. As parents, we pray for him daily and instill spiritual and moral values in his life.

When Joseph Seth was four years old, Sheila and I prayed for God's guidance in what school to enroll him. After much prayer, Sheila and I both had peace of mind to enroll him in a private Christian school, Life Christian Academy. After school one day, he brought home the certificate of his decision to follow Jesus, which I proudly hung in my office. He went to the Ottawa Christian School for junior high and finished his grade 12 at Redeemer Christian High School.

Since he was an only child, we not only loved him very much but also kind of spoiled him in a good way. We wanted him to be happy, and he pretty well got all the new toys and pets he wanted. One day a little girl who knew Joseph surprised me with this question: "Mr. Jolly, are you a millionaire?"
"Now why do you ask me that?" I said.

She looked up at me and said very seriously, "Because Joseph says he can buy anything he wants."
As Joseph grew older, he became interested in skating and playing hockey. He was not a good skater when he was in grade one, and that's when I made a commitment to devote more time to my son and teach him how to skate and play hockey. I had played hockey most of my life so I knew something about the game. I would take him to an arena to give him some ice time. I would make Joseph wear his whole hockey uniform while we were on the ice so he wouldn't hurt himself when he fell. I would suit up myself and the two of us would have the whole ice time to ourselves.

I taught Joseph how to take a wrist shot, a slap shot and a backhand shot. I showed him how to skate forward and backwards and how to make turns around the net and the circles. Little by little he learned how to skate better and was able to shoot the puck. We played one on one against each other. He sweated a lot after each session, which showed he worked hard. Sometimes he would invite two of his friends to skate with us.
Joseph did so well in his skating that he was able to play in a hockey tournament in Moose Factory with kids his age. I used to tell him, "When you grow up, always remember that you played one on one with your dad." I was creating memories for him.

I took him sliding in the winter. It was great to have a father and son time in something he enjoyed doing. I taught Joseph how to swim and gradually he started swimming on his own. He was also interested in baseball so we played catch together. We would go to a vacant baseball field so he could practice his batting. When we went to the Native Cree communities in northern Quebec, I would take him fishing. He loved fishing and caught his share of fish.

I always loved playing pool, so when Joseph was in his teens I taught him how to shoot pool-first at a place with small tables and later to a place that had large snooker tables. I purposely never let Joseph beat me. I used to tell him, "When you can beat me, then you are good." He finally was able to beat me a few games. When he sank his game winning ball he would yell, "I win!"

From the time Joseph Seth was born, one of my great aspirations was for him to learn to play the guitar. Much to my disappointment, he didn't show much interest in the guitar as he grew and approached adolescence. I knew that I had to do something to put the beat in him so I bought a CD of the greatest hits by the Creedence Clearwater Revival (CCR). He liked their music and started listening to them over and over again.

When Joseph was about ten years old, his Aunt Diane from Moose Factory gave him an electric guitar and a small amplifier for Christmas. I set it up for him on Christmas Day. To test the sound on the guitar, I played "Wipe Out" by The Ventures and he immediately asked me to play it again. I showed him how to play it in a very simple way and soon he was playing it over and over again. Later, he wanted to learn the instrumental solo on CCR's "Down on the Corner." He started to ask me to teach him to play other tunes, and eventually, he learned to play them much better than the way that I had taught him.

As his guitar playing got better, I noticed that he began listening to the blues more often. I had never listened to the blues so Joseph taught me. In the van he would play a song and ask, "Who do you think is singing this song?"

Gradually I began to pick out the sound and guitar style of the blues singers, and I began to get the right answers. As parents, we think it's important for us to show interest in what our children like.
Joseph and I went to Chicago to meet Buddy Guy while he was signing his new book at a library. Joseph wanted to do this as part of his summer vacation. We also went to Buddy's club and his daughter, Charlotte, who manages the club, gave us a tour and showed us her dad's office. She told Joseph that her dad would at the club the next day at 5:00 p.m., so we made it a point to be there and meet Buddy Guy. I had never seen Joseph Seth so happy. It was very gratifying for me as a parent to see that. Joseph had a golden opportunity to show Buddy Guy a video of himself playing the guitar. Buddy Guy was impressed and told Joseph that the next time he came to one of his shows, he would let him jam with him on stage. So Joseph made plans to go to Winnipeg and jam on stage with him. Since Buddy Guy is one of the best guitarists in the world and an icon in blues music, I thought Joseph might be nervous. Joseph seemed confident he could play with him. He kept telling me he was ready and knew what to do on stage when the time came.

It was a dream fulfilled for Joseph to play on the same stage with his hero, Buddy Guy. He worked hard to get that far and it paid off when he got his chance. After his performance with Buddy Guy, he kept saying, "Man, this is awesome! I can't wait to do it again!" He was on cloud nine, which was nice to see.

As a father, I wanted to spend time with him. I wanted to do activities with him like goose hunting, playing ball, sliding, going to cosmic adventures or eating out at a restaurant just to have a father and son time with him. When he was a teenager we would go on trips together to see blues and rock concerts.
When we would go to concerts together I enjoyed the music, but even more, these special outings were a good opportunity for me to spend some quality time with him.

Another thing I've worked on over the years: I've wanted to be able to communicate freely with my son. I never really could sit down and talk to my own dad over a coffee, and I didn't want that to happen with my son. I also wanted him to talk to me. That's hard for young people today. Teenagers do not really communicate with their parents, but there are times when I know he is connecting with me. During those times I keep quiet and just listen to him talk.

I also found ways to celebrate him during his birthday. We would go all out for him; I would cook a big turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and we would invite people to his birthday party. The best birthday party I remember is the time he arranged to play video games with his school friends in our home. After the video games I took the group of young boys to Robbie's Spaghetti House and let them order whatever they wanted. It was nice to see them having a good time. We had a DVD player and the boys enjoyed watching movies in the van. As he grew older Joseph no longer wanted birthday parties, but we still give him presents on his birthday.

As Joseph grew older, he would tell us what he wanted for Christmas, and he usually got what was on his list. It was exciting to see him opening his presents on Christmas Day. He would play all day with his new video games. I would cook a Christmas turkey dinner and we would eat our Christmas meal together. Every year Joseph says, "This is the best Christmas ever."

Joseph is now 25 years old, and he is more mature than I was at his age. Since we were in our forties when he was born, he grew up with parents who were already set in life. I remember one time I was talking to a Native man in Waskaganish, Quebec, who is the same age as me. We went to residential school together in Moose Factory and Sault Ste Marie. As we talked, I was amazed to see how perceptive, knowledgeable and wise he was. I mentioned that to someone who said, "The reason he is like that is because he was raised by his grandparents." That made sense to me and that is probably what happened to Joseph, too. Joseph Jr. is in the workforce now and has aspirations to go to university and study law. I always said he would make a good lawyer, a politician or a preacher because he is very articulate.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." As parents we want to teach our son about God. I believe we have succeeded in that area. When Joe was born, one of the things I wanted to make sure was that I would show my love for him throughout his life. When he was a baby, I always told him, "I love you." I would hug him and kiss him. Even now that he's a young man, I still tell him, "Hey son, I love you." He will respond, "I love you too, dad." I would ask him, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate me as your dad?" He always gave me a 10 and that says a lot for me as a dad. "But," he said, "Mom is an 11."

Father's Quality Time
You probably won’t see it on your children’s wish list. You can’t gift wrap it or put it under a Christmas tree. It s not age-specific; children of all ages will enjoy it. It will never break down or wear out. Although it costs a lot, you can’t buy it at any of the stores in town.

What is this incredible gift? It’s called Dad’s Quality Time. “It’s not . . . mountains of toys that young kids need. They want an interested adult who will get down on the floor and put a puzzle together with them,” says Dan Keating, former director of human development at the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research.
One survey of church-going youth reports that most teens desperately want to have a strong relationship with their father. However, only 16 percent of the youth surveyed said they did “special” things with their father on a frequent basis. Only one in four said they ever talked seriously with their father. The data in this survey suggest that there is no true substitute for quality time.

Quality time! Most Canadian parents who work 20 hours or less a week say they have a good balance between family and work. Most who work 40 hours or more a week say they do not, according to an Angus Reid poll on the family. So how is a hard-working dad to find this quality time? Here are a few ways.
Remember is it spelled quality, not quantity. Whatever the activity, quality time always includes focused attention and meaningful communication between parent and child.

Look at the child’s schedule to find times when he or she is most receptive. Bedtime is one of the best. Children also appreciate their parents’ involvement at mealtimes, sick times and special events:
• Negotiate with your employer for some flexibility in your work schedule. Most workplaces are quite rigid. However some are willing to consider family pressures in order to keep a good employee.
Be creative. Avoid the predictable. Spend your travel time to and from work thinking of ways to surprise your children.
• Use the media. Send notes, tapes or videos in your own voice or handwriting, with stories, jokes or messages from your heart. And don’t forget the phone.
• A hug is worth a thousand words
You don’t have to go broke to give gifts that count. Here are some gifts that the poorest of us can give.
WORDS: A love note. Thanks for a good meal. I love you. A compliment on someone’s appearance. Praise. Phone calls when you are away. Personal goodbyes when you or they leave. Bedtime stores. Stories from your childhood. “You’re special.”

TIME: Breakfast in bed. A cake you baked. Your time to fix something your kids have that is broken. Your time to play ball games, table games, or video games. A Child-of-the-Year Award. A walk together.
TOUCH: A kiss or hug for no reason. A back rub. A bear hug. Your shoulder to lean on.
EYES AND EARS: A smile. Winks. A listening ear. The freedom to cry.
Fatigue, stress and guilt will always be your enemies. However, if you can relax and enjoy your children, you can give them yourself—the best present ever. Excerpted from Growing as a Father written by Dr. Joseph Jolly. You can order your copy from https://www.indianlife.org/store/.

Written by Dr Joseph Jolly Email: [email protected] working for Native Gospel Ministries This article is written with Permission by the Magazine InterTribalLife.com Last updated 3/27/2021 at 4:47pm

This article was written by: Dr Joseph Jolly [email protected] Native Gospel Ministries